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When the Torch is Passed

11/14/2018

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This past week I lost the last of my aunts. The last of that generation of women in our family. The small town and farmer’s wives. The seamstresses and canners. The cooks and gardeners. The keepers of the houses of my vacation visits. The mothers of the cousins I ran with and the barely known older cousins. The repositories of memories of my father as a young boy and witnesses to grandparents that I never knew. And as I talked to a family member from my generation they commented that the torch for us women had been passed. We were now the oldest women in our individual family lines. It was up to our generation now. 

So I have been thinking. What exactly does that mean “to pass the torch”? What does it mean to be one of the older women? For my individual family what does this torch look like?  By definition to pass the torch means to take on the responsibilities, traditions and knowledge of another when they are no longer able. As my children are adults, they are responsible for themselves now and in turn for families of their own. Yes, we follow some traditions that are longstanding, but have also bent some for modern circumstances. The world we live in changes so fast that knowledge is outdated in the blink of an eye. So perhaps the concept of this torch, lit long ago, is allowed to change.

So here are some thoughts on my modern torch. I will be responsible not for every member of the family, but I will be the silent backbone. My responsibility is to give advice when asked, help when needed and to be there. I will continue the traditions that work for me, learn and share those that work for others and serve as a reminder that the most important tradition is to be a good person in all circumstances and to remember where your blessings come from. As for knowledge, it is useless unless shared. So ask and I will tell you what I know. I hope this is enough to keep the flame burning. Until the torch is passed again.







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Death Using

2/20/2018

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If you have been keeping up with current reading trends you will notice books about simplifying your life are in vogue.  As I get older I have a certain need to do this. And having the experience of helping an older family member downsize her large and cluttered life into an assisted living space it has become a priority. In fact the Swedes have a word for it - dostadning - “death cleaning”. 

Some people might find that a bit morbid, but honestly, is it news to you that you won’t be here forever? I hope not. As I have started to root around in closet corners and the back recesses of drawers I have come to some conclusions. Why did I think I needed all this stuff anyway? And if it hasn’t been used in the past year it is most likely going out the door. Surprisingly, I have not found myself running after the garbage truck or buying it back from the donation center, so it is true that I didn’t need it anyway. And it feels so much lighter to have less. To realize that I have so much more than what I need is also a true lesson in humility. It makes me strive harder to make life more about substance instead of things for I have found things so easy to divest myself of. And it has made me invent my own phrase “Death Using”.

Let me explain this “Death Using”. There are some beautiful things in my house. Usually tucked away for holidays or special occasions. But as I clean and rethink the pattern of my days, I have been inspired to take them out. Dust them off. Use the Christmas China everyday in the month of December. Burn the beautiful candles. Make something to give away out of my cache of special craft materials. To death use my beautiful belongings before death uses me. Because we’re all going to go. But I believe what we do before we go matters.

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